Society generally asserts that relationships owe us happiness and bliss for life ever after. While happy couples do exist, divorce statistics indicate a great majority simply are not happy after the initial glow dims. So here are 8 ways to Improve Your Relationships. So read on.
Relationships Based on A Dependence Need
This less appealing reality actually holds the key for a true loving relationship that is free of dependence on the other. Jung wrote: “The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed.” In a nutshell, transformation is what relationships are all about. We remain in relationships while the going is good, but often break off at the first sign of trouble. If the person we love turns out differently than our initial estimation of them, we feel they led us to believe something about their character that was not true, or, that we simply cannot trust our judgment.
Relationships Based on Approval Rather Than on Need
But the crux of the matter is quite different. It is precisely at this problematic point in the relationship that we have the chance of creating a relationship based on mutual admiration rather than on need; a free relationship between two people who want to be together, rather than two people who need to be together.
So how do we get there?
Understanding and Knowing Ourselves
A very important step in this process is becoming aware of ourselves; gaining insight into ourselves. Another step involves filling our own “holes”, our needs, rather than hoping to fill them through others. Clearly this is easier said than done. It literally means growing into wholeness (spirit,soul,body) – clearly a lifelong process.
Filling Our Needs
Our needs get us into most relationship problems. We seek out people, consciously or unconsciously, that fulfill our needs, rather than filling our needs ourselves. Whenever we obsess about someone, feeling that we cannot live without them, we should examine what it is that is missing in us very carefully, what we feel others are “giving” us, and why we feel that we need them for our very survival. This element is being shown to us through the relationship, the obsession, the need, the desire to control and possess. If we could only become aware of this, we might still suffer, but we would have finally found the real road to freedom from this kind of dependent need.
Suggestions for Improving Your Relationships
1. Realize that attraction, love, chemistry, and emotion, come about due to the psychological, emotional, and spiritual makeup of your inner man or woman precisely in order that you may work on and develop further. It is your emotion’s way of helping to make you whole. That is why relationships are of such enormous importance in personal growth and development.
2. Always watch any kind of “extreme” emotional response (both negative and/or positive) … it gives strong clues to where you need to work (even if it proves the other person is a heel). But if you were whole, your “extremes” would not get involved.
3. Analyze arguments, NOT from the point of view of how egotistical, horrible, jealous, or domineering, etc. your partner is, but from the point of view of what the argument is telling you about YOURSELF. The other may indeed be all those things, but it is much less important to dwell on their failings than on your own possibility for growth by observing your reactions to whatever is occurring.
4. Use that knowledge to change, to grow, and to learn that you always have a choice in your reaction to any situation.
5. Become very aware of yourself at ALL times…watch the times you would like to fabricate, or at least, tell things in a way that is not 100% the real way, and try to discover why…are you afraid you will not be accepted or loved if you show your real self?
6. Particularly watch those relationships that have an imbalance of power … if you are top dog … ask yourself what you get out of it … if you are on the bottom … why you are willing to be there … the answer to all of this fosters your growth … remember, it takes two to tango!
7. Develop a sense of self-worth by filling your own needs rather than by trying to fill them through others. Love yourself first!
8. Observe yourself in a love relationship on the basis of some of the principles covered in this article.
8 Ways To Improve Your Relationships