Why is it that humans are so afraid to commit themselves to loving each other? Unhealthy Relationships can cause people to be afraid of the society they live in. They generally spend more time worrying about what others will think of their relationships until they actually forget about the most crucial but necessary emotions bestowed on each and every human being.
Fear and Unhealthy Relationships
It has often been said that if you love, you might be considered naïve. When you are happy in love, then you are just simple and not worth taking serious. If a person is generous and cares for the welfare of another, they are considered suspect. Forgiving is a sign of weakness. Developing trust in others, you are likely to be considered a fool. When you take all of the above behaviors and add them up to get an opinion, you may be considered a phony. Are we confused or what??? No wonder our unhealthy relationships resemble Russian Roulette! (See my book Relationship Roulette)
People need to realize that in order to develop a healthy relationship rather than unhealthy relationships, there are so many actions and behaviors to take into consideration. One needs to know something about love; compassion; tenderness; caring; sharing and how to relate to another. Without knowing and experiencing these emotions, life is empty, even though you may be in the best of health. You may have a very comfortable home but your life still is empty. Even though many people know they should work on their behavior, they spend very little time trying to correct it.
Today, you can find many people that are so bitter that they can’t admit to the confusion and unhappiness that they have allowed their egos to get them into. This can be devastating to a relationship inevitably producing an unhealthy relationship. Learning to share your love with another can be very overwhelming. We have very little understanding when it comes to the flow of life. There is always that need for permanency or continuity, then our focus should remain fixed on the only unchanging, but evolving variant in our lives, that being love.
Relationship Advice- Fear and Unhealthy Relationships
Even though many people are really afraid of a healthy relationship, you still find ill-equipped and hurting people forming friendships; marrying; and raising families without appropriate resources to meet the overwhelming demands they ultimately will have to face head on.
It is very strange that even knowing the desperate need for relating, a person may continue throughout much of their lives to engage in thoughtless relational behavior, which will only result in him or her becoming more damaged and more isolated.
There may have been weeks or even months that they may have been happy and full of joy, and then it happens; the inevitable breakup. And they begin to wonder: Why is it that yet another relationship dissolved? What could I have overlooked? These are just a few questions one may ask after the relationship has failed.
Don’t be afraid of loving relationships. This is necessary for life, health, and emotional growth. Most of you have learned by experience, that inability to live in harmony with another person is responsible for many of our fears; anxieties; and mental illnesses. Even those of you that hunger for closeness and understanding often find that there is nowhere you can turn for help. Then unwilling to seek help, you continue to engage blindly in painful, unfulfilled, unhealthy relationships, which sap all your energies. Most often you will find that you lack the energy and the focus to meet the demands of life. Thus resulting in a “depressed” state of living.
We have obviously not learned much from our past. No one has stopped to think that humans are not born with a clear understanding of other people, we have to be taught. It is up to us to discover real solutions and learn new patterns of relating.
Don’t be afraid! Anything that has been learned can be unlearned and relearned. It is only in this process of change that any real hope lies. Stop and take time out for yourself and focus on the kind of relationship you really want. Then enter into that relationship fully aware of the advantages and disadvantages. But never get to comfortable in unhealthy relationships refusing to grow; extreme failure could be lurking right around the corner.
Relationship Advice- Fear and Healthy Relationships