The Good, the Bad or the Lonely
Life, I find, is a matter of trial and error and the subterranean world of relationships is no different. Some of us are lucky enough to find ‘the one’ from early out in life, but if any of you have the kind of luck I do then your heart is a pro at mending itself due to the amount of practice it has had and though it might not have a block of ice nor the walls of Jericho around it, it is suffering from the “once bitten twice shy” syndrome multiplied to infinity in its intensity.
Which are you, the good, the bad or the lonely?
You see, I spend much of my waking hours in relationship ruminations- living and sometimes simply observing its juxtaposition, its enigmas and its state of utter confusion. Places like Facebook give me a whiplash with the frequency of changed relationship statuses, and I have to sometimes resist the urge to refer someone to therapy- but I have been its pawn too. I have been in arms that have loved me, despised me, rejected me, neglected me, abused me and soothed me throughout, and as a result of it all, I’ve realized one thing- we all, at some point during our lives we discover we need to take ourselves out of the equation, differentiate the good, the bad, and the lonely, and while we are at it figure out which we are.
Cannot differentiate what is good or bad for us
Our worlds can become so loud with the internal screams of what we want that we cannot differentiate what is good or bad for us, and sometimes we are not at a place to accommodate what we want, so in a rush to get it we contaminate the thing we yearned for all along and cry foul when we we’re tethering the line of good and bad to begin with. At the same time the fear of being alone causes so many of us to settle for things and people we do not deserve, and in the process we build walls around ourselves instead of bridges with toll patrols that filter out the unwanted and incompatible.
Relationship is fluid and dynamic and no matter how much it hates us, we always pursue it, because it is that rewarding possibility of a disaster that hurts too sweetly to do without. For me, I just think I need to give myself room to figure out the good and the bad while I learn to be alone but not lonely.