Lies In Our Relationships
Telling the truth all of the time is as impossible as someone being perfect in every way. White lies, big lies. No matter what kind it is. And no matter how positive the quality of a relationship between two people is. It is inevitable that at some point, lying will enter into the picture. So, why do we tell lies in our relationships?
Why we tell lies in our relationships is basically due to one reason: ‘selfishness’. Whether it is lying about achievements, finances, activities, past and/or present relationships, experiences, plans, accomplishments, health issues, even choices and decisions, lies are almost always deeply rooted and are done to either protect one’s self-esteem or preserve one’s current state.
Overstating the Truth
Overstating truths allows one to save face and avoid the embarrassment of feeling like a failure. Understating truths, on the other hand, might seem like a calming or protective gesture, but really, it is also a kind of danger signal. The inclination of one or both is to lie to keep the situation balanced. So that neither will harbor negative or ill feelings reflecting that something is not right in the relationship. When this tendency is present, it implies that either one or both are actually disappointed or angry with the other and are probably waiting for the other to blurt out the real truth so that it can finally be dealt with.
Denying the truth is potentially the most damaging of all and done for the most selfish of reasons. Especially when it comes to third-party issues, it is pretentious to say that the truth is being covered up to protect the aggrieved party. Those involved in the betrayal lie about the status of their relationship not because they want to spare the aggrieved from being hurt, but because they are not yet willing to give up what they have, which is as selfish as one can get, wanting to have the best of both worlds, so to speak. It is only when one or both of them are ready and willing to let go of the other. Then the truth will have a chance of finally coming out.
The only time a lie is close to being justifiable is when it is done out of compassion. An example is when you find out about something that can possibly be hurtful or offensive to your partner, and you lie by saying its exact opposite. Although it might appear selfless on the surface, in reality, this kind of lie falls under the selfish category also. Not wanting to see your partner get hurt or feel sad doesn’t exempt you from being selfish. Admit it, you might just be sparing yourself the trouble of having to pacify your partner’s feelings or uplift his/her mood. After all, what happened was not your fault. So why should you be troubled with picking up the pieces or restoring the happy state?
The Truth Will Set You Free
Lying for whatever reason is always just a temporary fix, but never a permanent solution. No matter how cliche it is, it really is the truth that will set you free. Sure, the truth can make you happy or it can make you sad. Whether happy or sad, however, it gives you some sense of freedom because telling the truth releases you from the burden of hiding or avoiding anything and everything that is related to it. Refrain from lying so you can deal with what the situation really is and face the challenge together.
Why We Tell Lies In Our Relationships