The Approval Seeking Syndrome or ASS

The Approval Seeking Syndrome or ASS

Approval Seeking Syndrome

The Approval Seeking Syndrome or ASS is a personality disorder where those afflicted place an unhealthy level of concern on gaining or seeking the approval of others in order to fulfill a deep, emotional need.

Approval Seeking

We’ve all met someone in our life who constantly aims to receive praise or affirmation from those around them, even at the detriment of self. Granted, everyone can benefit from healthy praise or gratitude for a job well done regarding achievements. There’s nothing wrong with seeking approval from those we love but when you begin to compromise yourself in pursuit of approval from others, it affects the psyche.

The Approval Seeking Syndrome produces an overwhelming need of approval from others and sufferers will avoid disagreements because they are reluctant to rock the boat and potentially lose favor with their loved ones. Emotionally, they may appear self-sacrificing while embellishing or overemphasizing their appearance, their careers, achievements or status in order to gain the approval and admiration of those around them. Oftentimes people with ASS will work tirelessly by spending money or time on those around them in order to win their approval. People who suffer from the Approval Seeking Syndrome or ASS generally have submissive, clingy behavior and fear being separated from those whose approval they seek.

As children, they may have been taught to strive for recognition from their parents. The parents may have pushed the children so fervidly to obtain gratification that they became estranged from their authentic characteristics and confused about their natural emotional needs and inclinations. Children who grow up in dysfunctional, neglectful homes often deal with a withdrawal of affection. As they grow older, they continually seek the attention of those around them as a way of confirming one’s love or depth. Children in these environments often do not develop a true sense of self and either develops an inflated sense of self (egotistical) or an undeveloped sense of self-worth (lack of self-esteem).

The Approval Seeking Syndrome or ASS often leaves them vulnerable to opportunists who seek emotionally-inept people. Manipulators prey on weak victims and are keenly aware of people who will consistently work to gain the approval of those around them. Some game-players will use those afflicted with this syndrome as a weapon and a scare-tactic which forces them to believe they need to continually meet their demanding needs and expectations in order to be worthy or acceptable of their love.


1) Take time to discover what makes you happy. Learn what your strengths and weaknesses are and develop them accordingly.

2) Get in tune with your own needs; Stop worrying so much about what others think.

3) Spend time learning how to appreciate your own company and not having to rely on having people around you all the time to please them and their needs.

4) Don’t let the opinions of others weigh you down and create insecurities within.

5) Build your self-esteem with support groups and loving friends and family who want you to build a healthy self-esteem.

6. Learn to say no. Understand that “no” is a complete sentence and that you don’t have to feel guilty when you say, “no”.

Say it with me……..NO!

Approval Seeking
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