The Pain Of A Broken Relationship
It’s probably happened to you. In all likelihood, it has happened multiple times in your life. You don’t understand why it happens. And when it does, it can throw you into the deepest valleys of despair and depression. Perhaps you cry out to God to make things better. Maybe you just stare into space, wondering what the meaning of life is and why things get tough. I’ve been there. Many times. And for all sorts of reasons.
A broken relationship, career problems, dealing with a death, financial issues, there are a million things that can put you into this frame of mind. You know what you want more than anything, but no matter what you do, the Lord just doesn’t seem to give it to you. Why? Why can’t things just be easier, simpler? Why can’t things get better? Why can’t we get what we want?
Just recently I was going through an extremely difficult time in my life. My wife of 20 years left us. No visit. No long talk about how we could maybe work it out. She just told me she couldn’t do it anymore. You’ve heard the line, “I love you but I’m no longer IN LOVE with you.”
And just like that, I was thrown into that valley and I was there for 3 long years.
I’ ve spent almost three years searching for answers. I read through different religious texts, self-help sites, and scientific books. I prayed, I meditated, and I even tried to visualize the thing that I wanted the most. I just wanted my wife back.
My work suffered at my job, though I didn’t notice. It took an old friend, one of my bosses, calling me into her office and having an honest conversation for me to realize that I was basically coasting through the days, turning in late assignments and completely forgetting to do others. In the evenings, I was plagued by dreams of my wife. In them, we were happy and together. Everything had worked out. My family was restored. Of course, I always woke up in the middle of the night, sweating and crying and in deep despair.
I was raised to believe in God. But during those nights of torture, I found myself pounding my pillow and begging Him to make everything better. Of course, nothing ever got better.
Talks with friends yielded no good counsel. As a pastor, and a counselor for over 30 years, their clichéd words only served to frustrate me. ” I’m praying for you”, “There’s a reason for everything,” “if it’s meant to be,” “time heals all wounds,” “God knows”, the more I heard their advice, the angrier I became.
And the whole time, I continued to beg God to fix everything. God said to me if I fixed everything for you like that, you will never learn anything. That’s it. If someone or something always fixed everything for me all the time, I would never learn anything. More than that, I would never be able to do anything for myself in life. I would always be dependent on someone or something else to make things better for me. I would never be able to learn another language, live in a foreign environment, try new foods or activities, or grow as a person in any way.
Sometimes in life, the things that happen along the way can be difficult and often, they can be extremely painful. We must push through those moments where all seems lost. When we do, we can find a new us on the other side that is more beautiful and wise than we every imagined. By working through these difficult changes in life, we grow into something new, better, stronger.
The Pain Of A Broken Relationship